Out Beyond Ideas of
Rightdoing and Wrongdoing
There is a Field
I'll Meet you There
~ Rumi~
The Emotional Divorce
The sun is setting, a chapter is closing, the shadows are long, the marriage is ending. And yet the relationship isn’t.
Even if there are no children to co-parent going forward, the part that you and your mate have played in each other’s lives is not erasable.
There have been good times and bad times. There are moments you will never forget, things that have made you angry and hurt, tears that have been shed, words that have been flung at each other. But there have also been great moments, funny times, laughter and comraderie. The good things are there alongside the unresolvable things that have led you to this decision.
Endings are sometimes necessary. And they are sad. It’s the end of a dream that started when you met ... and then grew into something bigger when you both said “I do.”
So many couples who divorce end up angry and resentful -- sometimes even contemptuous of each other. They continue to fight and belittle each other. They put their children in the middle. They fight over who pays for what and who gets Thanksgiving with the kids. It is a heart-wrenching pulling apart. And underneath it all there is always sadness, hurt, and fear.
When a marriage ends in a contentious divorce people are left dragging around unresolved feelings and unfinished conversations. This emotional baggage continues to pollute their inner life, preventing them from finishing this chapter of their lives. Their emotions are still entwined, so the page is never fully turned. This chapter doesn't have an ending yet. Spouses can split up, divide property up, figure out child custody and still not have written the final paragraph for this chapter in their lives.They haven't yet accomplished what I call the Emotional Divorce. This an arrested state that will negatively influence them for the rest of their lives.
The sun is setting, a chapter is closing, the shadows are long, the marriage is ending. And yet the relationship isn’t.
Even if there are no children to co-parent going forward, the part that you and your mate have played in each other’s lives is not erasable.
There have been good times and bad times. There are moments you will never forget, things that have made you angry and hurt, tears that have been shed, words that have been flung at each other. But there have also been great moments, funny times, laughter and comraderie. The good things are there alongside the unresolvable things that have led you to this decision.
Endings are sometimes necessary. And they are sad. It’s the end of a dream that started when you met ... and then grew into something bigger when you both said “I do.”
So many couples who divorce end up angry and resentful -- sometimes even contemptuous of each other. They continue to fight and belittle each other. They put their children in the middle. They fight over who pays for what and who gets Thanksgiving with the kids. It is a heart-wrenching pulling apart. And underneath it all there is always sadness, hurt, and fear.
When a marriage ends in a contentious divorce people are left dragging around unresolved feelings and unfinished conversations. This emotional baggage continues to pollute their inner life, preventing them from finishing this chapter of their lives. Their emotions are still entwined, so the page is never fully turned. This chapter doesn't have an ending yet. Spouses can split up, divide property up, figure out child custody and still not have written the final paragraph for this chapter in their lives.They haven't yet accomplished what I call the Emotional Divorce. This an arrested state that will negatively influence them for the rest of their lives.
